Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
