Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
