Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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