im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Blood and glitter go together right?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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