i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
