I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
