he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
