Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
