If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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