Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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