Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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