ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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