he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Sext me about skeletons
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
