Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
