im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
it was like eating out sand paper
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
