i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
