Plan B is the new Plan A
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i came on her dog
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
