I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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