I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
