either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
