Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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