I didn't shave. On purpose
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
we made out on top of his cat.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
