Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
