..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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