xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
