five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
