People with herpes should wear stickers.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
