Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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