your thong is hanging out like whoa
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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