Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
