I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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