In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
