She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize