Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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