I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
