I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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