I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
