in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
