Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
