not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
