Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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