FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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