she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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