My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
