Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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