Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
