I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
