He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
