is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
