Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
