I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
