i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
