sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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