don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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