we have pet lesbian snakes
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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