I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
