He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
