i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
