dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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