Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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