And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
