she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Pants are for mortals
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
