i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
