glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
