he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
